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My name is Ferno Ignis Valtherion and I was born into House Jujak. Since I was young, I was taught that power is one of the most important thing in life. House Jujak is the order of fire mages who seek destruction and death, and naturally I followed their way too. I never really had reason to question it. It was just normal life for me. I learned how to use fire and became stronger as I grew up. I always wanted to prove myself and wanted other people to recognize my power. When someone was weaker than me, I thought it was natural for them to lose. And if someone was stronger than me, I thought I just have to become stronger than them someday. For long time, this was enough for me. But after I gained more power, I started feeling something was wrong. I thought becoming stronger would eventually make me satisfied with myself, but it didn't really happen. There was always someone stronger than me, and always something else I couldn't do. I started wondering when it was supposed to end. Around that time, I came across Tao Te Ching by a strange chance. At first I almost burned it. I didn't really have interest in teachings like that, especially when it seemed so different from everything I learned before. But for some reason, I read it. I didn't like it very much. The idea of Yin and Yang didn't make much sense to me. It was talking about balance and harmony, while I spent most of my life believing that strong should overcome the weak. If two things are opposite, why should they exist together? Why shouldn't one overcome another? I couldn't understand it but the annoying thing was that I couldn't completely forget about it either. Sometimes I found myself thinking about those ideas even when I didn't want to. After some time, I started wondering if maybe the problem wasn't the teaching, but how I was looking at everything. My whole life was about becoming stronger. More powerful, more destructive and more feared by others. I thought that was how I could prove my existence. Maybe I lived too much in one side. That was one of the reason I became interested in becoming a Geomancer. Since I started walking this path, I tried to understand more about Tao and the balance between Yin and Yang. I still don't think I understand it enough. Every time I think I understand one thing, another question comes to me. And the things I learned from House Jujak didn't simply disappear either. I still believe power is necessary. I spent most of my life seeking it, so I can't suddenly say that power means nothing to me. I don't think I want to believe that either. But my thought about power has changed. Before, I thought being powerless was weakness. Part of me still think that way. But now I also wonder if having power and knowing nothing except how to use it can become another kind of weakness. If destroying something is the only answer I have, then what can I do when I face something that cannot be solved by destruction? I don't know yet. I also don't want to abandon my fire or pretend my past didn't happen. House Jujak is where I grew up. Everything I learned there became part of me, even if I don't agree with all of their ways anymore. Maybe this path will make me leave my family someday. Maybe it won't. I haven't decided yet. For now, I want to continue learning as a Geomancer. I especially want to understand Yin because I think my life has been filled with too much Yang. Maybe understanding the other side can also help me understand my own power. I don't expect myself to become completely different person because of this. I'm still Ferno. I still seek strength. I still have the same fire I had before, and I don't want to lose it. Before, I only asked myself how I can become stronger. Now I also started asking why I need that strength, and what I should do with it. I still don't know the answer. Maybe finding it will be my next journey. ~Ferno Ignis Valtherion | |